


Quiznaking superb you funky little alien

by danisapunk



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Memes, Platonic Relationships, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 10:39:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15362754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danisapunk/pseuds/danisapunk
Summary: So turns out Keith hasn't seen Shrek





	Quiznaking superb you funky little alien

**Author's Note:**

> 800 words of vine references, 4th wall breaking and memes.  
> I'm so sorry.

Lance threw himself onto the ragged old couch of the Holt's family home, making Pidge on the other end bounce up.   
“Pidgeon how does one get human movies to be compatible with altean tech?”  
“Convert the video to a .Alt file using the main computers then you can use it for anything, it's just compressing and getting it to work with the software, really quite simple.” Pidge looked up from her laptop, pushing her glasses up her nose and being met with the face of a person who clearly didn't understand shit of that.  
“You give me the files on a thumb drive and I deal with it.” She sighed making Lance grin and jump up.   
“Perfect.” He grinned evilly. "And I need rope."  
“Why do you need all this, wouldn't just using a desktop while we're on earth be more convenient?”  
“This is so I can educate the bored alien masses while in the castle duh.” He explained like it was obvious, flapping his hand like a fancy person at a posh 5 star restaurant trying to find the right word to describe the $500 wine.  
“Lance there's like four actual aliens in the castle-”  
“Five.”  
“Keith doesn't count.”  
“Yes he does.” The Cuban boy insisted “he doesn't know SHREK!”   
“Oh my god.” Pidge rightfully gasped looking horrified at Lance like he'd said Keith fucked a goat and fed her the remains.  
“EXACTLY!” Lance cried indignantly jumping up and crying to god.  
“I'll get it up you get Keith.”   
“Deal.” And with that Lance ran out the room to find his mulleted friend.  
Getting Netflix up on her TV and searching through for Shrek Pidge considered all the constructive things she could be doing with an hour and 35 minutes, helping build the castle, bonding with her mother she hadn't seen in about two years, many many good things, and completely disregarded them.  
“Woah woah Lance what do you want?!” Keith grunted as he was pushed toward, tugged into and all those synonyms into the room.  
“You are watching Shrek with us.” Lance announced dragging him down onto the couch as the wolf materialised onto the floor before them staring up at them with the confusion only a cosmic space wolf from a space whale could conjure up.  
“Why? Isn't it a kids movie? We have better things to do Lance.” He grumbled sitting up and petting Yorak the dog.   
Lance had teased Keith incessantly when he learnt the name of the stunning scientific mystery which was his pet but the boy insisted it had meaning, refusing to explain more. (Pidge had made reference to some obscure mecha cartoon from the 80s about giant robots and aliens and shit, as if people would actually watch that, and the conversation was over.)  
“It is not just a kids movie Keith, it is a cultural turning point, the beginning of something incredible!” Pidge explained, starting the movie.  
The DreamWorks logo flashed on the screen and Pidge set aside her laptop, staring up at the screen like she was facing her maker then to Keith who was pouting animatedly and not looking at the screen at all.  
The beginning narration began and the mullet head looked up interested slightly.  
The page tore and a song began.  
“Some…” Lance muttered under his breath, staring at Pidge and jumping up knocking Keith off the couch as they cried “BODY” In unison.   
“What the fuck.” Keith groaned from the floor as the rest of the song and opening sequence played and Lance and Pidge sat down again acting like they didn't just assault Keith with their existence.   
“What the fuck Richard?” Pidge quoted making Lance gasp indignantly.   
“Did you two lose your memory of names with your shame?” Keith asked crawling into the couch as the final notes of the classic which was “All Star” played from the TV.  
“It's a vine Keith.” Lance sighed facepalming.   
“Aren't Vines those things you swing from while screaming like a maniac?” The half-galra sighed.  
“You're impossible Kogane.”  
“Don't bring surnames into this McClain.”   
“Holt help me?”  
“McClain is right Kogane, you're impossible.”   
“I can just leave y'know.” Keith threatened groaning.   
“I'll get the rope.”   
“FINE.”  
“Quiznaking superb you funky little alien.” Lance praised, the smirk of someone fully prepared to be punched plastered on his face.  
“What does that mean?” Keith whimpered his eyes flitting between Pidge and Lance in concern looking for some meaning to the madness. Pidge shrugged and turned back to the movie and Lance laughed.   
“I want death.” Keith sighed letting his face fall onto the arm of the couch and groaning.   
“we all die you either kill yourself or get killed.” Pidge said monotonously, not making eye contact.  
Keith groaned again.   
“God why hast thou forsaken me.” He cried to heaven.  
Somewhere a thoroughly bored fanfic writer shrugs as they consider how they'll fit more vine references into their story.  
“god is sadistic.” Lance said in a tone of voice that you'd generally use for comforting someone, not crushing any hopes they had of getting out of this movie night of hell.   
“I hope he's getting off to this cuz I sure ain't.” Pidge snorted.  
“Is that what snow is?”   
Keith face planted into the couch again, preparing himself for another 80 minutes of this.


End file.
